|
|
OBSTACLE |
PRACTICE |
|
1 |
Directness/Indirectness |
Take into account both persons' feelings, but make sure you
get your point across |
|
2 |
there can be a confusion of intimacy and Independence |
Remember that we are supposed to make decisions as a team |
|
3 |
A GUY thinks a girl likes him when she is just being nice |
there are lots of nice girls - girls are just nice - it
doesn't necessarily "mean" something |
|
4 |
a woman uses a ordinary problem situation to open discussion
about past problem that were not discussed. P 174 |
the woman needs to speak about what is bothering her at the
time. If she feels unheard she can try writing it down in a
journal or a letter. The male could be more sensitive to
the physical traits indicating a problem so that he can ask
her if she want to talk about "something." |
|
5 |
many women not only feel comfortable seeking help, but feel
honor-bound to seek it, accept it and display gratitude in
exchange. Many men feel honor-found to fulfill the request
for help whether or not it is convenient for them to do so |
I find myself doing that all the time (and not asking for
help) but I am leaning to ask for assistance and appreciate
it. |
|
6 |
because telling secrets is an essential part of friendship
for most women, they may find themselves in trouble when
they have no secrets to tell |
When a woman really has no secret to tell she should say
that she does not have one rather than pretend she does and
will not tell it or fabricate a secret to feel part of the
group |
|
7 |
Chivalry |
don't do anything special for the opposite sex that you
wouldn't do for the same sex |
|
8 |
Confronting a person out of context |
Strop and realize there is a proper moment - time and place
- to address certain issues |
|
9 |
girls manage not to say they disagree. |
say no. |
|
10 |
Gossip is bad but analysis is good |
stop when it gets to be rumors or constructions |
|
11 |
GUYS don't like to talk so much on the phone |
next time he's quiet on the phone, let him. He may need
time to unravel. |
|
12 |
he and his boyfriends might tease you |
That's how they're showing they like you. |
|
13 |
he cuts me off mid-sentence |
remember he's a high-involvement speaker and he doesn't mind
overlap. Tell him how you feel but tell him you know he's
just involved. |
|
14 |
he has not 'talked" to you in quite a while … what do you do |
Relax! He feels comfortable in silence with you. Some
would argue that is the highest form of intimacy. |
|
15 |
He's always busy with work and never spends quality time
with you … does he not love you anymore? |
No That's not what it means. Men are born naturally
competitive and goal oriented. They think in terms of
hierarchy and accomplishment. It has nothing to do with how
he feels about you. |
|
16 |
I am independent; I don't like asking for help |
I will start asking him to help out as needed. |
|
17 |
I feel like he's not listening. His eyes wander and he
won't look at me during conversations. He doesn't care? |
this is just how he converses. Try to understand it and
maybe even adopt it to better get your point across |
|
18 |
I know how you feel |
appreciate the fact that the person telling you that is
there to support you and give comfort |
|
19 |
IF I am verbally attacked and am so shocked I cannot respond
… |
… interrupt and kindly ask if the argument can be postponed
until my head clears |
|
20 |
if women are often frustrated because men do not respond to
their troubles by offering matching troubles, men are often
frustrated because women do |
Male perspective: try to be more forthcoming about daily
events (e.g., work trouble, traffic on the way home … etc.)
Female perspective: try to accept that her partner is
listening to her frustrations and may not have a problem to
share, but still cares about her feelings. |
|
21 |
I'll fix it if it kills me |
Accept when you do not know something; read "How To Idiot's"
Guide; call someone to fix it and learn. |
|
22 |
instead of using "soon" or "in a little time soon" |
be specific. Estimate a time |
|
23 |
it is difficult to understand people |
give each one a full 15 minutes of your undivided time - and
you will understand them |
|
24 |
It is hard for women to be in an authoritative professional
position |
become more firm problem solvers. |
|
25 |
It was a pleasure to meet you |
Take it as a compliment |
|
26 |
Man "has to" open doors for women |
Women start to be more independent: you don't always need a
man. |
|
27 |
many people feel that women make better managers because
they are more inclined to consult and involve employees in
decision making (181) |
I believe it boils down to the characteristics of being a
good manager, not the gender. This statement tends to be a
bit sexist. |
|
28 |
Men always think women want to control and change them.
Marriage is the final step to fully take control |
Men don't like too many details because they think women
want to control them. Don't probe. |
|
29 |
Men approach the world as a place where people try to
achieve and maintain status. Women approach the world as a
network of connections seeking support and consensus |
Men can be conscious that these kinds of connections are
necessary for a woman and a woman can try to include
information of achievements to please the man. |
|
30 |
men are concerned with status |
men and women are equal |
|
31 |
men are providers and don't want to feel like they are being
mothered |
women's nature is to be maternal and thus has to watch out
to differentiate between child and spouse |
|
32 |
Men do not ask for permission |
be content if he just agrees to let you know |
|
33 |
men do not like to ask directions |
men should get GPS or Thomas Guide or Map Quest - or just
ask. (this from a man) |
|
34 |
Men don't like asking for direction |
I will Map Quest directions before leaving - Offered by a
woman |
|
35 |
men hate women to give commands or orders |
try to give suggestions - use the word "let's" |
|
36 |
men honestly don't know what women want |
the simplest thing pleases your partner: find out by
communicating |
|
37 |
men not sharing problems |
Men need to open with their partners because they can help,
be there for you, and get you through better than if you
were alone. |
|
38 |
Men take "let's" as an equivalent to a command |
Let's is an option. Make that clear. |
|
39 |
men talk on message; women focus on metamessage |
men say what they want; their words have no hidden meaning. |
|
40 |
men use silence to exercise power over women |
know they use silence because they don't want to make a
scene |
|
41 |
men value their independence |
women can deliver their requests as proposals |
|
42 |
Men, concerned with status, tend to focus more on
independence than connection |
they could try to include women when making decisions in
private. |
|
43 |
more men feel comfortable doing "public speaking" while more
women feel comfortable doing "private speaking" |
While in "Public speaking" mode, the male should draw the
female into the conversation, so she feels part of the group |
|
44 |
negative comments do not motivate women to change |
positive comments, no matter how small, always work better
for us women |
|
45 |
one in a relationship may seem selfish |
it may be seen as an attempt to express oneself |
|
46 |
Reading is the best way to get information and also to
increase their vocabulary |
I realized this and so not I tread a little everyday - for
at least one hour. |
|
47 |
some women think that men do not think they are special if
they don't open the door for them |
Grow up - unless you are physically impaired, you can open
your door. For men, opening up doors has nothing to do with
feelings |
|
48 |
sometimes people cannot concentrate on listening |
listen to the not-listening, and stop talking at that time. |
|
49 |
the Mute Man |
Understand that women believe small talk is the key
component to a relationship: give time for her |
|
50 |
to him, talk is for information - something he needs to
know. This being the case, she might as well tell him what
she thinks he needs to know before he starts reading. But
for her talk is for interaction |
when I do my homework, I usually do not want to be
interrupted unless it is important. My girlfriend
constantly talks to me while I am in the middle of
something. Now I understand that it is for interaction and
I can try to improve by seeing it that way. |
|
51 |
we listen to think of all the ways the other person is wrong
in an argument |
think about all the ways you could be wrong |
|
52 |
we look to our closest relationships as a source of
confirmation and reassurance. When those closest to us
respond to events different from the was we do … the ground
on which we stand seems to tremble and out footing is
suddenly unsure (73) |
sometimes people are seeking reassurance instead of a
solution. I need to work on that since I always try to give
solutions (and in the end frustrate people instead of
reassure them) |
|
53 |
when a boy likes a girl, he will hit/tease her to show his
affection |
girls: realize that the contact he is making is a "love
tap". Guys: be gentle. |
|
54 |
when I ask my husband a question, he takes a long time to
answer. I get frustrated and ask if he's listening. "yes,"
he says. So I get mad because he does not look at me. |
I will ask a question and wait. If he doesn't answer I'll
say, "So that's what I think; do you have any thoughts about
that?" |
|
55 |
When my b.f. asks me "where or what do you want to do?" I
always say, "I don't know; whatever you want to do" and we
end up doing something that I don't like and I make my
boyfriend feel bad |
Next time he asks me that I will say what I want to do and
if he doesn't want to do that then we can discuss it and do
something that we both want to do |
|
56 |
woman expect decisions to be discussed first and made by
consensus |
establish early in the relationship her expectations about
decision making - then set reasonable guidelines to each
others comfort levels on how and when to make decisions as a
unit or as an individual |
|
57 |
women and men feel interrupted by each other because of the
differences in what they are trying to accomplish with talk
P 215 |
Sit council and use the "talking stick". Each person is to
listen as the other person speaks and not respond until they
have taken a moment to think about what they have just heard
and really feel like saying. |
|
58 |
women feel abused when their partner teases them |
it's not personal: play the game and you'll reap the
benefits |
|
59 |
Women gossip and men just talk |
Men: don't fool yourself; You gossip too. |
|
60 |
Women often feel rejected by their partner when he doesn't
want to hold their hand in public |
Women know that holding hands for men does not create and
emotional connection. |
|
61 |
women use language to show sameness |
sometimes it is ok to be better or know more. |
